Coolest thing happened the other day.

So I'm knee deep in writing songs and tweaking older ones that we're reproducing. I have 3 or 4 big ass binders full of old songs, poems and random lyrics that I go back to from time to time when I get a little stuck. Funny cuz some of them are written on the backs of bills, old checks from my waitressing days, one on a folded paper towel and even an English test (Sorry Mr. Doyle.) Well turns out I have 5 binders! I just found a green one that contained 27 complete songs I had totally forgot about! How does that happen!? I've been a writing little somebody for a long time! LOL

At the moment I'm feeling a lil under the weather but since I haven't blogged in a while, I thought I'd share a poem that I wrote many moons ago that was in the green binder. Has to be at least 10-12 years old but I still feel this way. Hope you like it!


Stay tuned yall! :-)

It's been a really, REALLY, REALLY long time since I last blogged. So sue me.

Truth is, I've been having a hard time writing anything at all. Songs, blogs, poetry, free form writing...which is odd because, well, I'm a writer!

It's a little after 3 a.m. right now. I'm up on my 3rd floor, in my loft,  a.k.a. my "creative space," listening to old songs I've written over the last 12 years. I'm talking waaay back to the days when I was a bright-eyed bushy-tailed hard-ass Philadelphian chick trying to hide the fact that I was going through complete culture shock, while adapting to living in Atlanta.

Wow. I've written a lotta stuff, good stuff. Worked with a lot of people, different artists, musicians, producers, sounds, vibes... and to be honest, I'm amazed at how much I've grown. Not just as a writer, vocalist or artist, but as a woman.

I'm fortunate to have a new recording situation (again) that I'm very excited about. Shout out to OzKeyz, my Aquarian brother, and new producer/co-writer. He soooo gets me. YAY!  And so in our journey to create authentic chemistry, we've been talking a lot. Sharing stories, jokes, laughter... talking about who we are and why, where we come from, what inspires us, different experiences and heartaches that have both defined, altered and hardened us. Deep stuff.

So now I find myself in this weird place. Because Oz's tracks are HOT!!! And I have every reason to write new stuff. I WANT to write new stuff! But I can't write new stuff. I can't WAIT to write new stuff...but... I can't write new stuff. FML.

I've been digging deep, trying to find out what in the hell my function is. And this is a really hard time for me to dig deep when I'd mostly like to keep it "light and fluffy." May 8th was Mothers Day. A hard day for me because I've not had the best relationship with my own mother, and because technically I am in fact a mother myself. My son, Ricardo Gibson Jr., a.k.a. Lil Rico, would have been 13 years old this Saturday, May 28th. But instead he is resting peacefully, in his lil baby casket, about 3 feet above where my Pop-Pop is buried. He is my angel, watching Mommy's back from the heavens. So yes, these few weeks of the year I like to keep busy and keep it moving. You're not gonna get a whole lot from me unless we can keep it right on the surface. But I realize that this year, this particular time in my life and in my career-- I've GOT to go hard, because I ain't going home. I refuse.

I decided to blog about this because 1) I haven't blogged in a long ass time, 2) I clearly need to release this negative energy, and 3) not many people read my blog anyway (sad but true, whateve) so while this is a public forum it's still a somewhat safe place for me to vent and be vulnerable. I feel that part of my appeal as an artist, and as a person in general, is that I keep it pretty real. Not a whole lot of filtering going on with your girl. I call this "The Madonna theory," a.k.a. "stating the obvious."

And I think I've figured out what's going on. Like to hear it? Here it goes...

Approximately 9 months ago, I had my heart broken. Horribly, completely, severely broken into a thousand bits. Not just a regular every day heartbreak. I'm talking "the one" heartbreak. The being apart feels utterly wrong type of heartbreak.  A devastatingly painful smashing of my whole entire heart type of heartbreak. And, little actress that I am, I've made it my business to act like it's all good.  Like I'm not reeling from this loss of a limb. As if I couldn't care less and la-la-la life goes on. Like my name is Gloria and damn it, I will survive this whole ordeal.

Well, that is bullshit.

I've done such a great job of acting as if I'm healed, I've even convinced myself!  I've subsequently robbed myself of riding the roller coaster of emotions and experiencing the extreme highs and lows that come with eventually landing on your feet and learning to walk again. It's like I sang through the whole shit. But never with my eyes closed. Light and fluffy. Just collect my check and pass go.

So not me.

He's gone. He up and left and took all his lyrics with him. And though I'd written a million songs before him, if feels so lonesome to write now without him.

Because it still hurts. Like he just left yesterday.

But I know that life goes on. And after suffering the loss of a child, I know there is no greater heartbreak to survive. I've just gotta work on that middle ground, where I can allow myself to feel, and write and create...these emotions are what real songs are made of. I just won't allow them to break me. Take me to the brink, yes, that's what writers do, but I won't jump completely overboard. Nor will I steer clear of the board itself. I shall merely peer over the edge, dangerously close while pondering what it would feel like if I just dipped a lil toe in there...and place such ponderings in song form. 

It came to my attention recently that sometimes I'm a bit intimidating, and that a whole lot of folk seem to think I got it like that, got all my shit together. Well, if you look closely, there's still quite a few 'i's' undotted and 't's' uncrossed. I'm an imperfect, vulnerable girl and I'm exposing myself in hopes that someone out there may be able to relate and better still...that' I'll be able to get back to the pen and pad.

So there. This is my healing blog. My keeping it 100 and hope you can feel me blog. Now don't be surprised if some of these lines end up in a song because I am writing without abandon right now. I needed it! I confess.
 
Here I am, still standing. And I feel completely naked. LOL

And damn it, I'm finishing me some new songs tomorrow. :0) Stay tuned...



P.S. Yay! I wrote a new blog!

Wow, it's been sooo long! Woopsie! LOL I don't know where the months have gone. It seems like just yesterday I was in NYC bringing in the New Year with Mariah! But clearly some time has passed, and it's time to provide a bit of an update!
So.....Yes, I'm still standing and grinding it out, against all odds! Got lots of cool things coming down the pipe. Working on some new collabs with Johnny Handsome, (also my little cuz!) Carlito Attack, Rok Bottom & J.J. Sinatra. In the meantime, I've reconnected with my old partner in crime, King Midas, who I met while living in Atlanta over 10 years ago! Midas is working on remixing some of the new material that I've been sitting on and I CANNOT wait to hear how it comes out. To add a little grizzle in the mix (LOL) I'm working with a Rza-like underground producer who I just happened to be related too! I'm talking about my bro-in-law NSane, a.k.a. Doesh! He's gonna add the hip-hop flavor that I love to the album. I can't wait to sing these songs!

On the performance side of things, I'm working with a new band based out of the Reading area, The John King Dance Band! Just did my first photo shoot with them last night so I will post those pics and our website very soon. I'm so excited to be back on the wedding circuit and these guys are all uber talented which makes it even sweeter. Our big event is just about 3 weeks away, the Gilmore-Henne Community Fund's Rally for Recreation which takes place on June 25th! If you haven't already been to the site (www.ghcommunityfund.com) Please take the time to check it out and see all the great things these guys are doing in their hometown community. And make sure to get your tickets asap from www.ticketmaster.com before they run out! I recently attended the opening of the first park John & Chad revitalized and the vibe there was just amazing! Check out the pics below.

In addition to the music, I've got a coupla auditions lined up in the next week for some theater shows (fingers crossed) and so with any luck, I'll be adding some theater dates to my "shows" calendar very soon.

Well that's all for now...need to get my beauty rest so I'm bright-eyed and bushy tailed for my audition tomorrow. HOLLA!  

What's up yall? Thanks for checking in with me! Just wanted to wish everyone out there a Happy Turkey Day and tell you how thankful I am that you care enough to stop by the site and read a little something about what's going on in my world!

So tonight was a big one for me! I performed in a play called "School for Soliciting" at the Primary Stages Event at The Shubin Theater. This was my first live theater performance in over 10 years! I was lucky enough to get put on by an old friend of mine, the very entertaining Bryan Donaghue. We did a short play written and directed by Tom Tirney, about a prostitue who, after being busted several times, taught a class to guys who had been caught soliciting sex from undercover cops, all the while being stalked by another cop who had previously arrested her. Deep stuff!  Guess which part I played?! LOL I put on my highest silver stilettos, a purple feather boa, and coated my lips in some bright pink gloss, then went for broke! It's amazing....after all these years of only performing with a mic in my hand, I still love transforming into another character--doing things, saying words and portraying emotions that are so different from my own. I've definitely been re-bitten (is that even a word?? Well... it is now!) by the acting bug.

I've been keeping this under wraps until I get my first booking, but I recently signed with Expressions Models and Talent Agency, who just won the Best of Philly Award for 2009! So I'm definitely looking forward to the upcoming few months and all the possible acting work that may come my way. Of course I will keep you all posted. Wish me luck!

Shout out to my peeps that came out tonight to support me, my BFF Vet, her new hubby Val, Aunt Kathy, cousin Crystal and of course my main partner in crime Brandon, a.k.a. J.Ammo. These guys always have my back so I just had to put it out there that I sooo appreciate it! Luv you guys!

My new Bro-in-law Val also recorded my performance tonight, so check back in a few days when I should have a link on the site so everyone who didn't make it out can see "School for Soliciting" for themselves! I'm interested in getting feedback from everyone out there.

Until next time, enjoy the holiday season! I hope to see everyone this Friday night at the Blinkin Lincoln where my band, Rok Bottom & The Tolerance Factor will be performing along with my boy Kufie and his band, The Hustle. TTYL!

Do you wish you knew what was going on with my project and when it'll come out?? ME TOO! LOL

Once again I have managed to hit a big fat bump in the road and this one has snagged me good! Without getting into too much detail, my previous situation finally came down to the black and white and signing phase, and the specifics were not in my best interest. So, I'm at a cross-roads (again) trying to decide whether or not  that relationship can be salvaged and negotiated or if I should just start fresh. Now, starting fresh is not something I'm afraid of, it's not something I'm not familiar with, but dammit, how many times do I have to start over?! As many of you know I started my own independent label along with a former partner of mine several years ago to serve as a vehicle for my debut album which was then titled, "Be READY." Although I learned a great deal, it was VERY expensive, time consuming, and eye-opening as staff members dropped like flies when times got rough. As for the new album I've been working on, "Miss Alaineous," well, it's just hard to let go of the records I've made so far (about 10) and start all over again. Although the sound of this album was very different for me, I'm very proud of the songs I'd recorded so far and don't want to let them go so easily...*sigh* What to do??

While I'm figuring that out, (I'll keep ya posted) I've been fortunate enough to still have opportunites to perform both as a solo artist and with friends as a collaborator. Most recently, I've been an honorary member of the ROK BOTTOM band. This is special to me for several reasons! For starters, I grew up/went to school with two of the band members, Rok & Lord Biz (a.k.a Bear) and it's just cool to rock the stage with them. Both of these guys were previously members of The Burn-down AllStars, a crazy talented conglomerate of emcees and musicians who toured the country, starred on a reality tv show and put out out three killer albums. Not to mention they still have a very loyal following and really know the ropes. Pressure off of me--YAY! The other great thing about performing with these guys is we get to do the classic hip-hop covers I love, like "Cher Chez La Ghost" by Ghostface and  "Juicy" by Biggie Smalls, as well as new stuff like " Run This Town" by Jay-Z, Kanye West & Rihanna, and then of course some original stuff too. So overall, it's just a good time! After years of performing in wedding bands and singing "I Will Survive" over and over, it's a welcome change! LOL

I'm also dipping my big toe into the world of acting and voice-overs under the careful guidance of my Uncle who has been in the biz for sometime. Look for headshots and demo reels soon!

I'm going to try and blog a little more often and add some interesting stuff to keep everyone coming back to the site, just to let everyone know I'm still here even though I'm in limbo! One way or another, there WILL be an Alaina Nelson album out in 2010! I'm going to see to it! In the meantime, please check out my "SHOWS" page and show me some love in the front row soon. I need it!

Talk to ya soon!